Hell in the Form of a Game Show
by crazy2696
Summary: A B-day present for my best bud Mangarific!
1. Chapter 1

**HAPPY BIRTHDAY MANGARIFIC!!!! This is written for her birthday, specially requested, JUST FOR HER!!! Hope you enjoy it, and go tell her Happy Birthday!! I'll post the next chapter tomorrow, then the next chapter the day after, and so on. 7 chapters! That's seven different presents Mangarific! **

"Brother! Brother, you've got a letter!" Al cried, waving the letter above his head. Ed looked up to where Al was and shouted,

"Can it wait? I'm busy!" in truth he and Winry were having a picnic, but he still didn't want to be bothered. It was rare that they could hang out just the two of them, and he wanted to make the most out of it.

"It's says 'IMPORTANT, URGENT, OPEN NOW!!'" Al replied.

"It's fine Ed, just go get it." Winry said. Reluctantly he got up and went over to where Al was.

"Who is it from that makes it so important?" Ed grumbled.

"Uh…it says 'The imaginary TV station', addressed to a Mr. Edward Elric, Alphonse Elric, and Winry Rockbell." Ed took the letter and ripped it open ever so gently and opened it.

"It says…"

Meanwhile, at Central Headquarters, Colonel Roy Mustang and his subordinates received the same letter.

"So, what does the letter say?" Havoc asked, looking at Riza, who had the letter.

"Wait…the imaginary TV stations…You know what? I bet that crazy talk show we went on was one of their shows…maybe we shouldn't open it…" Riza said. Everyone stared at the envelope.

"Oh, who cares? Open it!" Roy said after a moment of silence. She opened it and began to read it out loud.

Meanwhile (yes, I used it again, who cares?), two girls were currently sitting at a table, doing who knows what, when suddenly a letter appeared out of midair.

"AGHH! What was that?" the shorter one exclaimed. Her name was Sandy. Yes, the notorious Archer-killing, Roy Mustang Obsessed, fan fiction writer, and crazy talk show host.

"It's a letter stupid!" the other one said. Her name was Mangarific, and she was a lot kinder, less crazy, and obsessed than Sandy.

"Open it! Open! What does it say?" Mangarific ripped it open and showed it to her. It read-

_Dear recipients(s) of the letter,_

_Congratulations, you have been invited to our brand new game show! Please report to our headquarters, 00000 Imaginary Road, Nowhere, Noplace, on the morning of July 6, at 7:00 am sharp. This letter is completely trustworthy and not suspicious in any way at all. Looking forward to it!_

_Imaginary Stuff®_

"We should totally go! It's not suspicious, and is completely trustworthy, like it says!" Sandy exclaimed.

"I don't know…something seems off." Mangarific replied.

"Oh well, what could possibly go wrong?" Sandy said, not knowing at that moment a certain Colonel and short blond were saying the same thing.

As Mangarific, Sandy, Ed, Al, Winry, Roy, Riza, Havoc, Fuery, Breda, and Armstrong, (Falman didn't want to go), headed out on the morning of July 6, the show crew got ready.

"They'll be here soon! Gary! Are you ready for this?" a random backstage person said.

"Of course! I've been ready for weeks. I almost feel sorry for them; they'll have no idea what hit them." Gary said. He wore a polyester suit the color of baby food…after it's been spit up. His hair was slicked back, as if to say 'I'm greasy! Stay away!'. Basically he just looked like a creepy car salesman. Even the smile was fake, which of course just added to the creepiness.

"Okay! They're here!" And let the chaos begin…

"OMG MANGARIFIC!!! LOOK!!! IT-IT'S ROY MUSTANG!!!! AAGGGHHH!!!" Sandy screamed.

"Oh shit! Riza, hide me!" Roy yelped, running behind Riza.

"Sandy! You can't go around attacking people!" Mangarific scolded, trying to restrain her spastic friend.

"BUT LOOK!!! RIGHT THERE, BEHIND RIZA'S GUN!!! OMG RIZA!!!" Sandy yelled.

"Ha ha, look Mustang. You've got yourself a fan. Why don't you go tell her hi?" Ed taunted.

"No way in hell! She's a creeper!" he replied.

"Help! Hide me too!" Fuery yelled, ducking behind Riza as well.

"Hey you! Take your meds today?" Ed yelled at the still freaking out Sandy.

"FULLMETAL ALCHEMIST!!! Oh…you are really short…" Sandy said, pausing for one second (a miracle!).

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING SO SHORT YOU HAVE TO USE A MICROSCOPE MAGNIFIED A MILLION TIMES TO SEE HIM?" Ed shouted back, obviously angry.

"NOBODY SAID THAT!" they all yelled.

"Hey! Hey, let's all calm down now!" Gary said, he had been watching them from the shadows, because he is just that creepy.

"MARRY ME!!" Sandy squealed, escaping from Mangarific and attacking Roy.

"Security!" Gary shouted, and two big burly bodyguards ran over and saved Roy from being fan-girl attacked.

"Hey you! Stop. Just stop it. Okay? Okay. Now, moving on. Welcome to the set of 'Why am I doing this again?' My name is Gary and I'm the host. You have been selected for some reason that I don't know. Here are some rules that you will have to follow. One, you crazy fan girl? Stay away from Roy got it? Good. Secondly, no funny business. We have cameras everywhere, and if you get caught sabotaging someone or something, we will throw you in our pen of murderous turkeys. Though, one of them was stolen…"

"Uh…I don't have anything to do with that, it did not kill Archer, and it's name is definitely not Gregory." Sandy stuttered.

"I didn't say it did. So, you'll be trying to get past various obstacles, mazes, stuff like that, without getting killed- I mean without losing. Have fun! Oh, and you need to sign here, and here." Gary said, grabbing everyone's hands somehow, and scribbling on a piece of paper.

"What was that?" Mangarific asked.

"Oh…just saying that we aren't responsible for, nausea, heartburn, indigestion, upset stomach, diarrhea, death, stranglings, maulings, chicken pox, fan girl attacks, death, or any other harmless thing like that! Well, see you soon. Have to go get ready." Gary said, running off before anyone could process all the 'harmless' things he said.

"Damn, fan girl attacks? Riza, make sure you have your guns with you at all times." Roy instructed and she nodded, looking warily at Sandy.

"Fuery! Omigosh! You're so cute!" Mangarific squealed.

"Look who's going all fan-girl now." Sandy said.

"At least I'm not trying to rape him!"

"WHAT?!" Roy exclaimed.

"Touché." Sandy muttered.

"So now what?" Breda asked, trying to break the awkward silence.

"I don't know…all I am concerned with is that thing." Ed said, looking pointedly at Sandy. She stuck her tongue out at him and then returned ogling at Roy.

"So you're Edward. And you're obviously Al, and hi Winry!" Mangarific said.

"Hello! Where are you and that freaky thing from?" Winry asked.

"I am not some freaky thing!" Sandy said, outraged for some strange reason, even though she was indeed some freaky thing.

"Oh, we're from Kansas. And you're from Amestris!!" Mangarific replied, and the two began talking like two old friends.

"Armstrong…I've always wanted to ask you this. Are you gay? I mean explain those sparkles." Sandy asked.

"Those sparkles have been passed down the Armstrong family for generations! How dare you insult me!" he said, ripping off his shirt and talking with a dramatic voice.

"Hey look! I've got muscles too!" Breda said, flexing too.

"Roy! I-I swear I won't attack you anymore…just…let me have your shirt…please?" Sandy asked.

"Hold, on Winry. Hey Sandy, look what I've got!" Mangarific said, holding up a very shiny sparkly box.

"OOH! Sparkly! GIMME!" Sandy ran over but before she could grab the box Mangarific whipped out, (yes whipped out) a syringe and jabbed Sandy's arm.

"What was that?" Roy asked, as Sandy fell unconscious.

"Oh, just a tranquilizer." Mangarific replied.

"YAY!" everyone exclaimed, cheering Mangarific for knocking out her BEST FRIEND!!! And so they all talked and talked, waiting for when the show would start, unaware of the troubles to come. Yes, what will happen to our poor unsuspecting contestants? Stay tuned…

**Thanks a lot Mangarific…you shot your best friend…-sniff- Moving on, like I said at the top, the next chapter will be posted tomorrow, and then the next the next day. If that made sense…and know I am off to go watch two nuns wrestle. Oh, and one more thing REVIEW!!! For Mangarific? Come on, it's her birthday…**


	2. Chapter 2

**Thanks for all the reviews, hope you said Happy Birthday to Mangarific! Here is the first event! (BTW, Gary's last name is pronounced Creeper. But spelled, Criper. Just letting you know, otherwise it wouldn't be funny, which it isn't anyways, but who cares?)**

"Welcome to 'Why am I doing this again?' with your host- Gary Criper!" a loud announcer voice said. Gary walked onto the screen, in all his creepiness, and smiled.

"Welcome to our new show! We have characters from Fullmetal Alchemist and two random girls, as the first contestants. Please welcome, Mangarific, Sandy, Roy, Riza, Ed, Al, Winry, Armstrong, Fuery, Breda, and Havoc!!"

Said people all walked out on stage, Sandy having recovering from that rude attack, was slightly swaying, but the others were fine, and that's all anyone cared about anyways, so I'll shut up and move on to the next sentence, okay?

"So, tell us your name and something about yourself." Gary said, addressing the group.

"Alex Louis Armstrong at your service! I am the Strong Arm alchemist, and these are my beautiful muscles!" Armstrong said, leaping in front of everyone, of course ripping off his shirt.

"Jean Havoc, cigarette smoker for life." Havoc said, waving slightly.

"Roy Mustang, Flame Alchemist and-"

"AND SEXY!!! Hah, ha, my name is Sandy. Future Mrs. Roy Mustang!"

"Never going to happen. I'm Mangarific, and unfortunately her best friend."

"Riza Hawkeye, I'm good with guns so be afraid, that means you crazy fan girl."

"Heymens Breda, anyone have any chess tips?"

"Kain Fuery, I like technical stuff."

"Winry Rockbell, automail maker."

"Alphonse Elric and has anyone lost their cat because I have one."

"Edward Elric, Al's OLDER brother. And if you call me short I'll rip off your legs and stick them on your head!!"

"And that's our contestants…now. Our first challenge is going to be easy since it is the first one; all you have to do is walk across our balance beam without falling in the pit of mud below. Any questions?" Gary asked. Everyone shook their heads, and he smiled creepily. Even creepier than bastard Archer and that fucker Tucker, combined. Yeah, that's how creepy it was.

He showed them the balance beam, the very high balance beam. "You'll be going in this order, so pay attention. Riza, Armstrong, Winry, Mangarific, Roy, Sandy, Al, Breda, Ed, Havoc, and Fuery. Oh, and you're also timed so hurry up!" he explained.

"I'm last? Well, I guess it's better than having to go first…go Riza! I mean, Lieutenant." Fuery said. Riza walked up to the platform, sighing. This was so stupid, why was she doing this? She got to the beginning of the balance beam, and waited for the signal to go.

"BEEEEEEEEP!!!!" the signal went and she started making her way across. It was very easy, and as she thought that, a whirring started and out of nowhere, balls started coming at her.

"WHAT THE HELL!" she shouted, as she desperately tried to avoid the balls. Thankfully she did, and made it across without falling.

"Good job Riza!" Roy shouted, and she glared down at him for some reason unknown, even to the author, she just put it in because she wanted to so deal with it!

"Next up, is Armstrong!" Armstrong walked to the balance beam, and started walking when the signal beeped. Surprisingly he was very agile and was able to easily dodge the balls, which was the case with Winry too. And then it was Mangarific's turn.

"Come on Mangarific! You can do this!!" Sandy screamed at her friend. Mangarific started walking but when the balls started coming, she started sprinting. "WATCH OUT THERE IS A BALL COMING, GOOD JOB YOU MISSED IT!!! KEEP GOING!!!" Sandy continued to yell until she had made it across safely. And Roy…

"AGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!! MOMMY!!!!!!" he screamed, (yes he screamed, very girl-ishly might I add), as he ran across the beam, almost slipping but he managed to catch himself at the end. "Damn!" Ed muttered.

"I'M COMING ROY BABY!!!!!" Sandy screamed, totally ignoring the balls, running towards the other end, where Roy was; when it was her turn.

"Go Al! I'll even let you keep a cat if you make it across!" Ed said, and Al's eyes widened.

"Do you mean it brother?"

"Yes, now go!" Al ran, ducking here and there, the only thing on his mind- CATS!! He made it across and took out the cat he had hidden in his jacket.

"Al! Oh whatever." Ed complained. Up next was Breda, who looked at the mud below nervously. He started running when the timer started, but when the first ball came, he moved to not be hit, but unfortunately got hit, and fell below into the mud. "Oh, I'm sorry Breda, but you're out!" Gary said, as Breda tried to get out of the mud.

Ed looked just a bit nervous, seeing as someone got out, and went up to the beam. But no worries, because Ed was so totally awesome and made it across safely, but it wasn't that way for Havoc. He started to cough and got distracted and was pushed off the beam by an incoming ball.

"Well, that's what you get for smoking!" Sandy yelled and Havoc just flipped her off from below.

"Go Fuery! You got this!"

"You can do it!"

"I bet you five bucks he falls."

"Roy, stop being such an insensitive bitch!" Mangarific said. They all watched as Fuery got on the beam, looking green. He started walking very slow and, then the balls started coming.

"AGGGHHH!" he shouted, he got lucky and missed the first couple, but got hit by of the balls. He went over, but amazingly managed to hold onto the side, and shimmied the rest of the way.

"Hey! That's cheating!" Havoc complained.

"No, that's creative thinking!" Mangarific replied. Fuery was very shaken, but was safe.

"You owe me five bucks!"

"But he didn't fall!"

"What do you call it then, when he FELL over the beam. I never said he had to hit the mud you know." Roy said.

"AGHH! Whatever, you're just not getting five bucks from me." Mangarific said.

"Hey Mustang, stop being an ass for just one second!" Ed yelled.

"Don't call him an ass! I mean, he has a nice one, but don't call him an ass!" Sandy shot back.

"EVERYONE SHUT UP!"

"And that was our first event! With Mangarific in the lead, with Riza close behind, and then Armstrong and Winry tied for 3rd, stay tuned for our next event!" Gary said, and the cameras then turned off. Gary walked over to the group who was trying to comfort Fuery and ignore Roy (though Sandy wasn't), all except for Havoc and Breda who were sitting in emo corners, because they got out.

"Well, I must say, I'm surprised. Congratulations on getting past the first challenge, and get ready for the next one. Havoc and Breda, I'm sorry but I'll have to ask you to leave and sit backstage, where you can watch on the monitors there." He said, not looking sorry at all.

"Great, that is just fucking great." Havoc said.

"Jeez, who knew he was such a sore loser?" Sandy asked.

"Well, I didn't but I guess we'd better rest. If that was easy, I would hate to see what the next one is going to be." Mangarific said, and they all walked over to the benches to sit down. The second event was promised to be harder than the first, so what will it be? Keep reading!

**So, poor Havoc and Breda…well Breda. Havoc's being stupid. Sorry for it being short, but the next chapter will be the second event. Can anyone guess what it will be? I can guarantee you'll get it wrong, but if it gets me reviews, go ahead! REVIEW OR I WILL FIND YOU!!!!**


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